We all have the image ingrained in our minds, whether from a movie, a story, or from a visualization from the actual phrase "testing the waters". I imagine, as well as most would, an image of someone with their pants leg hiked up, standing at the edge of a body of water, big toe dipped in ever so slightly to see if the water is to their liking enough to go on in. Most of the time if the water is just right, they wade in, taking their time, still unsure if the water is too cold to enjoy.
I am sort of that same way. I have just come out of a relationship with the only woman that I have ever loved...the only woman that I have given every part of me to. This may seem strange to some, how a 39 year old man could have had only one partner in his lifetime (you reading this?) and no one before that. Maybe not strange, but still not mainstream normal. Yes it is true. The "water" was comfortable enough for me to stay in for 13 years. I didn't jump into this body of water. I did dip my toe in first. I then waded in. It took me several months to finally gather up the courage to immerse myself underwater.
If you don't get the allusion, the water was the relationship with my soon-to-be ex-wife. When I was trying to date her, it took time for me too gather up the balls to even ask her out. When we did start dating, it was another 3-4 months before we even got intimate. It was then another 2 years of being together before we got married. This was the testing the waters period. I didn't just jump in. It took time before total immersion occurred.
13 years later, I find myself pushed out of the water. I love the water. I am at home there. I want to be in it, for it is more natural for me. To be swimming in a sea of love and affection, away from the islands and sandbars of rejection, in the waters is where I find my reflection. I am ready to jump in...to test the waters with a splash. But have I forgotten how to swim in the past 6 months? Has the water gotten too cold to enjoy?
I put my big toe in and see. It sure does feel nice. The water is warm and cozy. I will wade in slowly, making sure it is just right. That's what my mind says I should do, but my body wants to jump in and make some waves.
I have to say, that last sentence sent me into fits of laughter. Take your time testing the waters my friend... unlike the receding water level in the lakes and ponds round these parts, I don't think the new water is going anywhere :)
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of water... hot tub fixed yet? I'm sure I mentioned I like them.
And you added more to your profile it appears... We haven't even discussed books yet, but I see the first two you have listed are two of my favorites. Actually, Boy's Life by McCammon is one of my favorites ever. It all gets creepy sometimes, but in a good way... The t-shirt and the bumper sticker. The interview. White kitty's. Recycled building materials all over our homes... not to mention how much we both love hair (and how hairy we both are).
Yup. I'm smiling. I like these waters.
Love the picture of Trey BTW. Precious.