Opening Doors and Closing Thoughts

Jingle, jingle, jingle. The keys at my hip loudly announce my arrival. They hang from a retractable keychain, the same kind stereotypically worn by all maintenance men. All the keys on this keychain open some sort of door. I have the master key that opens all the outer doors, the master key the opens all the inner doors, a key that opens all closet doors, the key to the Youth Center, and a little key that opens the toilet paper and hand towel holders. There’s a key to the shop and a key to my locker; a key to certain doors on certain floors. They make a lot of noise as I walk around the church where I work. I always know when a co-worker is near because of the tell-tale music of keys swinging from the hip. Jingle, jingle, jingle. Remember Schneider from the TV show, One Day at a Time? Minus the pack of smokes rolled up in the sleeve of a plain, white tee-shirt, the smacking of gum, and the vest…that’s me. Almost.

I open the door to get in the building. I open the door to the room with the time clock drop my time card in and start my day. Every day it is something different. Today I might be setting up the fellowship hall for a dinner; tomorrow I might be cleaning floors on the 10-story building attached to the church. The next day I might be moving furniture from a prayer room to the library or painting hand rails outside the church. I love my job. No major hassles, laid back atmosphere, and the coolest boss ever. Not that I make a whole lot of money. But I would rather be making the money I do here and love it than to make more and hate what I do. I’m not the best at what I do. I do make mistakes. But I hope to learn from those mistakes just like the mistakes made outside of the work arena. And there have been and I’m sure there will be more mistakes made.

Jingle, jingle, jingle. The keys in the ignition of my VW camper sing as they hang from the key chain in the ignition. Bumps in the road and quick turns make them sway and swing, the VW emblem hanging lowest on the chain acting as a pendulum of a clock. The keys on this keychain have different uses. Some open the doors to my buses; others are used to turn the ignition to drive the buses. Some keys open doors to my house, while others unlock padlocks to my utility and camping trailers.

I’ve had to drive my camper to work and using it to take my kids to school a lot lately. I haven’t used it as a main vehicle for many years. It had been staying in a garage (up until the latter part of last year) or in the driveway, waiting its turn for service to carry myself alone or with kids to a campsite somewhere. But while my other bus was out of service, the camper acted as my daily driver, mostly without complaint. It is a good bus. Many, many memories are attached to this bus. Both of my kids went camping in it when they were merely months old. It has taken me and my family to places far and near, and served as a home away from home for those times of getting away from it all.

Jingle, jingle, jingle. I walk down the hallway to the elevator. First stop is the break room on the eighth floor to place my lunch in the fridge. And while I’m there, I make a cup of coffee before starting my work. Dark roast with Splenda and Hazelnut creamer…a tasty cup of joy to start the work day. Next stop I make is the basement where the shop is located. No particular reason…I’m just checking in to see if my boss is there to get my orders for the day. He usually isn’t there. I just go there anyway. I stop by the desk in the main lobby and look at the calendar of events. There’s a funeral today. That means hanging around in the kitchen to clean up any spills that might happen while the mourners are gathered together in the fellowship hall, drinking coffee and water while remembering the life of the loved one who has passed. Then, after the last person has left the hall, I take all the coffee and water back to the kitchen, and prepare the room for the next event. Usually that involves setting up many tables and even more chairs for a dinner. With something going on in that church nearly every day, the need to set up the room is only job security. People die. People get married. People gather together. That room is going to be used for all of those reasons and I make sure it is ready for each occasion.

Jingle, jingle, jingle. Driving to work today (just like about every day) I have about 45 minutes of being behind the wheel…and think about things. I usually think about things while behind the wheel. Today I’m driving and suddenly the thought crossed my mind… “I don’t love her any more”. No, that’s not right either. I will always love her, but the love is different. It isn’t the love that was there when we first got together. It isn’t the love that existed when time had gone by and situations changed. It is a love that is just there, a love that will always be there to remember all the good times and even the bad times. I don’t have any regrets. I have heard to never regret what once made you smile. And there have been lots of smiles in our time together. I will never regret the time we had together. I’m sure that I will regret the loss of her; and I’m sure that one day I will notice that the regret is not as strong.

Jingle, jingle, jingle. The day I got laid off from my former job, I was mad as hell. Here I was, giving this company my time and skill to make a product that was worth thousands of dollars, doing my best to make sure that I put out a quality product and quality craftsmanship. I was doing it to make sure that I had a place to live, my kids had clothes and food, and we all were able to live comfortably. I was doing all of that and then got the notice from my boss. They didn’t need me anymore. Hell, they didn’t need me or the other 14 people they laid off on that same day. I was pissed. I felt cheated and like they were throwing me away, not caring that I had two children to take care of. But now, after collecting unemployment and then landing what I consider to be the best job I’ve ever had (well, besides staying home with my kids, that is), I am actually glad they laid me off. I still feel that things happen for a reason, and maybe the reason I got laid off from that job was so that I could get this one. Why? I still don’t know. But just like all the other doors that have closed behind me and opened others in front of me, I’m sure I’ll find out the answer to that question one day.

Jingle, jingle, jingle. It is hard to let go. But I know that I have to. Things that are a part of my old life are all around me and I keep some of them just to remind me of that life. That may not be a good thing, but I have said before that I don’t ever want to forget it, lest I relive it. But some are too great, holding too many memories and representing a great part of that former life. Those I need to let go of. And I shall do just that.

Sweetpea…I’m going to miss you.

Nothing

I haven't been in the writing mood lately. That doesn't mean that nothing has been happening in my life. Things sure have. I don't know why I haven't posted anything since March. Damn. Its been that long? Anyway, there are things on my mind I am going to share. Its coming. Something is brewing, whether its a storm or a cup of coffee...I'll find out and share.