Little Prints

"Sometimes you get discouraged
Because I am so small
And always leave my fingerprints
On furniture and walls.
But every day I'm growing - I'll be grown some day
And all those tiny hand prints
Will surely fade away.
So here's a little hand print
Just so you can recall
Exactly how my fingers looked
When I was very small."

It's not fun, this replacing of the subfloor in my living room and kitchen. It's more tedious than I thought. I'm about halfway done with the laying of the 23/32" thick 4X8 sheets of plywood that, until I can afford the flooring, will be my redneck hardwood, and I realize two things: It's taking longer than I thought it would, and it's more than simply ripping up the old and putting down the new. There's always something else, like the discovery of water damage under the living room windows; the destruction/removal of paneling to address said water damage; the bracing up the floor joists with 2X6 boards.

It was the latter that had me looking for leftover 2X6 boards. I knew I had some stored in my shed, boards from previous projects that I knew I'd use someday. I grabbed them. I took them up to my porch, where I knew there were more. As soon as I saw the two that I found on the porch, I knew I couldn't use one of them. Not because it was rotten or warped; no, because of something else.

I don't remember the year, but if I had to guess, I'd say it was '01 or '02. I was living in another time, in another life. It was another house with its own renovation needs. So, because of these needs, I built two sets of saw horses out of 2X4 and 2X6 pieces of wood and plastic saw horse kits. They got a lot of use and made it with me to my new life in this time. But time and weather rotted out the legs, so I updated the old saw horses with new wood. That's what these two 2X6 pieces were from; the old sawhorses.

When I built them, I built them to use. They held pieces of wood to cut for home projects. They held larger parts from my Volkswagen buses. They held doors that were getting painted white. They did what they were built to do. They were tools in themselves that were meant to take the abuse from use. They may have gotten cut from a circular saw. They may have gotten oil on them from car parts. They may have gotten paint on them...and that's why I couldn't use the wood from one of them for my current project.

My daughter was one or two years old when I built these saw horses. It was during the time we were painting our new French doors when this paint got on the 2X6 work surface of a saw horse. It wasn't accidental, but done on purpose. Talia had somehow put her hand in the white paint and put her hand print on my saw horse. It was a perfect representation of what her looked like at the time. I believe I laughed about it, but I also think I was upset with her for "messing up" my brand new saw horse.

It was stupid of me to have been upset. It's something that was going to get messed up anyway. It wasn't one of my Volkswagens. It wasn't something of any great importance. It was a saw horse, for crying out loud. It was a stupid inanimate object...and she was my precious daughter. So you see, I can't use that piece of wood to put under my house. Not ever.

I saw that hand print, faded by the years and the effects from being left outside. I saw that print and it took me back to where I was ashamed of myself and proud of her. It reminded me to try to not put unimportant things over the important things. It reminded me that time is as long as it needs to be and is as short as it seems. It is a memory of that different time; that different life. It's a guide to point me in the right direction in this current life.

Just recently, I found a piece of plywood with her hand print on it. It was a wall hanging made at her daycare when she was little. Along with the print was the poem at the beginning of this writing. That part about the little hand prints facing away? That right there is so true. It happens for sure and it happens so fast. The print on the saw horse did. But this wall hanging? I'm going to do my best to let it not fade away.