Fence Repair

What is the purpose of a fence? Isn’t it meant to keep something that you don’t want out from getting out? Some may say that it is to keep something you don’t want in from getting in. Fences divide. Fences protect and defend. Fences beautify. If a hole develops in your fence, you had better take the time and initiative to repair the fence before the wolves come in and kill your chickens or your dog escapes to terrorize the neighborhood with ferocious licking...

Fences divide. They say fences make good neighbors. Sometimes people live next to others who always pry, always want to know what is up next door. A privacy fence keeps their little noses where they ought to be, in their own business. I haven’t had the pleasure of having totally nosy neighbors, but I hear it can be a pain. Sure, I’m inquisitive. If something is going on next door or a new car is parked in the driveway, I’m curious and take a look. But I also know that some things, things that are bigger and more important than a new car, these things are really none of my business. If the neighbor wants to erect an 18 ft. tall statue in honor of Elvis leaving in a spaceship in his front yard, so be it. It’s his yard. I wouldn’t put a statue of Elvis in my front yard. Charlie Brown maybe, but not Elvis.

Fences protect and defend. The painful looking razor wire that sits atop just about every prison fence I’ve ever seen protects the common citizen from the criminal trapped inside. If it weren’t for those fences, who knows how many bad guys (more than there already are) would be roaming the streets. Barbed wire fencing at the top of standard fencing aids in keeping intruders out too. Garden fencing keeps out the critters who love to munch on fresh shoots. In the old west, the age of free-ranging cowboys literally came to an end because of the development of the barbed wire fence. Farmers and cowboys came to duel over the barriers that were erected to keep cattle in check. But the farmers won, settling the early beginnings of property rights in this country. In war, barbed wire was used to slow down the enemy and in some cases, funnel them closer together to become better targets.

Fences beautify. There is a house on a road near here that has an enormous steel rail fence with red-brick “posts”. Every ten posts or so, there is a stone lion mounted on top. It’s not only a functional fence, it’s also pretty. The wooden “split rail” fencing in my front yard was originally put there for decorative purposes. I put a wire fence on it to slow down my kids from the dangers of the road, but it also serves as a barrier to keep my dog in the yard as well. When the kids are grown or the dog is gone, the wire will come off and the fence will only be ornamental.

Fences are multifunctional. They serve all these functions and more, I’m sure. I had talked before about fences…about putting one up around my heart. I also had a fence around certain friendships, namely the phantom one I had mentioned before. Over time, holes appeared in these fences, letting in all sorts of doubts, fears, and hard feelings. These holes also let solid feelings of trust, happiness, and love escape. I didn’t have a desire to mend the holes in my fences. Third party information swayed my mind, further developing my jealous streak, deepening the hurt, and making me complacent. I didn’t know when I would be ready to start the job of fence repair.

Yesterday, I felt I was ready. I had my gloves, my wire snips and new wire to begin the job. I had a moment where I felt I had finally “grown a set” and called him right then and there before they shrunk back down again. I had so many emotions going through me while on the phone…anger, sadness, fear, and jealousy. I think I hid those emotions in my voice while talking rather well, even though I just wanted to burst out, mainly in tears. But I didn’t. I could hear and feel a waver in my voice. I knew I was almost there.

He came over later and we cooked hamburgers and hotdogs. It was good. After the kids went to bed, we went to the garage and finally talked about things we hadn’t felt we could say to each other for quite a while. We talked about hurts, jealousies, awkwardness, how we felt. Not to go into much detail, but we worked out a lot of things; how I felt he had wanted my wife for a long time, how he felt weird even being around her, not wanting to hurt me, scared that I hated him. I never hated him. I let him know just how much I loved her and that I will never stop loving her. He assured me that he doesn’t care what anybody else thinks of him, but he does care what I think. That felt good. He let me know that he wasn’t “going after” my ex. I believe him to an extent. But I still hurt over it. I think it is because I just let things bother me to the point of putting up that fence around my heart. In the end, both our hearts felt lighter because of just finally talking about it.

It doesn’t take back the fact that my wonderful wife left me. It doesn’t change anything in that regard. It doesn’t mean that my friend and I are back to where we used to be. We have many holes to fix in our fence. It doesn’t heal any hurts any of us have; my ex, him, or me. But it does mend the biggest holes in our fence, the ones that let the biggest doubts, fears, and hurts through. It does take away the jealousy on my part; the awkward feeling on his part, the doubts and fears that I had. I can’t stop anything between them two. I don’t have the right to anyway. I can’t go back in time and change myself before the held-in feelings of neglect that my ex had built up reached the breaking point, before it was too late. I can’t go back and mend the fence. But I can keep a vigilant eye out for new holes and patch them before they get too big.

I can change myself. I can keep up maintenance on the fence. I can and I will.