Turn It on, Turn It up, Tune out

"Let there be songs to fill the air." - Lyrics from Ripple by the Grateful Dead

I love music. There is something about it that makes me feel emotional. It doesn't matter what song is playing. If it is a happy one, I feel elated. If it is sad, I start feeling all sad and weepy. If it is an angry one, well, I turn all Mr. Hyde on your ass. There are songs that take me back to places I have been, with memories associated with that certain song. There are some that I don't want to remember, but oh, so many that I do.

I will never forget my first Phish concert. It was at the Tennessee Theatre in Knoxville in the fall of '93 (ok, that I can't remember...was it spring or fall? I think it was fall). A good friend had turned me on to Phish that year by giving me some live recordings of some shows. They put out some great albums, but to hear them live is better than chocolate covered chocolate with a creamy chocolate center. Those first tapes led me to collect more live recordings, from '93-'99. It was awesome to hear them grow musically in that time period.

So, back to my first show. We drove to Knoxville and arrived about an hour before the show began. I had heard of the "lot scene" from others talking about Dead shows. I had never experienced it. Hawkers selling their wares ranging from homemade burritos to homemade T-shirts. Brave souls trying to enlighten others by selling them mind altering substances (sorry dude, already got mine!) and sweet smelling and even sweeter looking buds (sorry dude, already got that too!). Unlucky ones who were doing whatever they could to get just one extra ticket (who's got an extra?). It was an experience that I had never seen before, but was about to launch into 6 years of it, and I didn't even know it at the time...but it was on it's way.

Ok, Phish was in Knoxville. What song do I remember most from this show? Nothing but good 'ol Rocky Top. Also, Linda was into Prince at the time. When they started the first licks to Purple Rain, the smile on her face widened from ear to ear. At the end of the first set, they were playing a song called The Squirming Coil. Near the end of the song, each of the members, one by one, stopped playing, put down instruments, their spotlight faded out, and each one walked off the stage, until only the piano player was left. They did it so that if you weren't watching intently, you didn't even notice them leave. The final refrains from the piano solo still ring in my ears to this day. It was beautiful. That was the beginning of the Phish fanatic phase of my life. Oh, I still like them, I really do. But I can't even remember how many shows I tripped into in that 6 year period. Yep, there sure are a whole lot of them that I can't remember.

There are times when I am listening to a good song, it feels like magic. It doesn't matter what song, there are so many out there, but when it is really good, I get a shiver that runs through my entire body. An ecstatic feeling of utter joy permeates my being, goosebumps crawl over my flesh, and every hair follicle tingles and stands at attention. This happened many times at Phish shows. I usually have my eyes closed, envisioning the story happening within the song, maybe doing a little dance consisting mainly of swinging to and fro, arms doing whatever they want to do, and a perma-grin on my face. It is at times like that when I think that this is what it must feel like to have an out of body experience. I envision myself slowly rising above my body and the thousands of revelers surrounding me, the music muted just a little, maybe even a bit muffled. I look down and see this person who I don't know, but is strangely familiar. It is me. I have my arms outstretched and face towards heaven. On that face is a look of complete jubilation and happiness. All because of a good song. Ok, maybe the acid had a little to do with the joyous feeling, but that wasn't the complete answer. It was the music. I know it was, because it happens even today, and my acid days ended in the late '90's.

Music. I love it all. I'm not going to go into the sad or angry songs. I don't want to be sad or angry. But sometimes it happens. It's inevitable. That's why for a time period (oh, for that past 8 months or so) I didn't want to listen to songs that had lyrics, especially lyrics about love. I really got into some jazz. I've always been into jazz, but during this time, I immersed myself in music that didn't have a story. Well, at least a story that was being told to me. While listening to this music, I can create my own story. I can make it as happy as I want it to be. I can make it be whatever I want it to be. Because it is up to me to make it what it should be, and do whatever it takes to push away unhappy thoughts. I love to be happy. Everyone should love to be happy.

I'm listening to music right now. Time wise, I have 17.2 days worth of music on my computer. There are almost 5,500 songs listed in iTunes. 32.07 gigabytes worth. That's a lot of music. Sure, some of them are doubles, but I don't care. Just put that puppy on shuffle and let it go. Let the emotions rise and fall like kingdoms, like ocean waves, like the breast of a sleeping woman. Let the music take me back to the past, here to the present, and into the future. Close my eyes and dream...

Just let it go.