Good Lord O' Mercy! It's Monday again. The beginning of my work week and the second to the last day before the paycheck is handed to me. I had a good day at work. I didn't break anything or mess anything up. But of course, my boss says that if you don't mess anything up, you aren't really working.
Life imitates art. They (being the powers that be) started a program at work that COPIES The Biggest Loser from that television channel that it shows on, you know that one? Those who signed up for it have been separated into different 5 person teams. Once a week, we have an on-the-clock pep rally and weigh-in session to update the records for the team. The team that loses the most percentage of weight after 3 months wins a paid day off of work, and the person who loses the most weight wins a one-year membership to The Rush. Pretty good incentives, I must say.
No secrets here...I weighed in at 212 lbs. last week and even after a weekend of pasta and good 'ol southern biscuits and gravy, I weighed in today at...212 lbs. Not bad, I guess for not having even exercised. I hope to lose about 15-20 lbs. in this contest. I have a history of dropping weight when I want to. I also have a history of putting it back on, too. Doing that is a lot easier than dropping it, I tell you what. But when I put my mind to it, I can lose weight like a prostitute losing her panties when the Navy comes to port.
At one point in my life I weighed nearly 250 lbs. It was one summer in, oh, I think it was 1990, I felt like I was carrying a sack of potatoes on my back, and the weight of it pulled me down. I felt down too. But thanks to the Jim Morrison weight loss program, I lost over 70 lbs. that summer. You see, the Jim Morrison program consists of eating this little square piece of paper (or gelatin, or sugar cube, or just a little drop of liquid) and wandering about in the woods or on the Ocoee river bed all day long, every weekend for 3 months. Not only do you wander aimlessly about, laughing at every little thing, seeing colors in the clear water, and talking to backwoods yokels about the finer arts of bear tracking, you also have no appetite! The weight just drops off! I was in the best shape of my life...and I felt like I was improving my mind as well. If not improving it, I was at least opening up doors and windows to new thoughts and ideas that were never open to me before the diet plan. And my artistic abilities became more pronounced during this weight loss program...weird.
I can't do that plan anymore. No way. The last true diet I was on was the South Beach diet. I lost over 40 lbs. in a few months, with 15 lbs. being lost in the first two weeks. It does really work if you stick to it. The first two weeks, you have no sugar, the right kind of carbs, no breads or starches (bye-bye potatoes!), low selection of fruits, good raw veggies (only the right ones now, no sugary veggies like carrots), and just about all the dairy and lean meat you could put down your gullet. I tried to make the first phase last longer to increase the weight loss, but man is not designed to live on meat and cheese alone. You do introduce the forbidden fruits and veggies back into your diet, but when you do the weight loss dramatically decreases, if not stabilizes.
I am going to try to do something different this time. I will do an alternate version of the South Beach diet. I will cut out the breads and sugars. I will increase my intake of the right kind of carbs. I will decrease my dependence on Diet Dr. Pepper (do I have to?), and drink lots and lots of water. One thing that I will add which might improve my chances of losing weight and keeping it off will be exercise. I have a weight machine in my garage that is collecting dust and doing sit-ups and push-ups doesn't cost a thing. I do have a membership to the Y, but getting there is more like a chore than trying to do this at home. But they do have better equipment, and treadmills to boot. Hmmm...I don't know. Either way, I'm going to exercise. Even if it is shifting my weight from one foot to the other while at work, I'm going to exercise. No doubt about it. I want that paid day off of work. What better incentive could there be...well, I guess besides improving my health?
But a paid day off? Hell, yeah. I'm game.
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