True Blue, Through and Through

Acquaintances come and go, but friends are like diamonds. Forever.

I have had oodles and oodles of acquaintances. Very few true friends. The hard part of it is deciphering between the two. How do you know? Some people you can call your friends, but that's it, all you are doing is saying they are friends. Some people call themselves your friend, but that's their point of view. Just how can you tell them apart? Here's one way: let something happen in your life that is either the most devastating thing ever or is the most joyous occasion to date, and then you will know.

A true friend will be there for you. They will comfort you when you are sad. Even if you don't show that you are sad, they will know. You don't have to ask for a shoulder to cry on. They offer it up willingly. You don't have to wonder who will be there for you in a time of crisis. True friends will be there. If they really know you, they can tell how you are feeling just by looking at you. I have a friend (yes, he is a true friend) who asked me tonight, "Are you okay?" He asks me this every once in a while, and it seems that every time he asks me that, it is when I am trying to hide how I feel. I guess I don't do a good job of it. He sees it every time. I usually answer with an attempt to further hide how I feel, but it doesn't work. I am a bad liar. I can lie, but I never get away with it, so why do I even try?

A true friend keeps in touch with you. Whether it is a phone call, a text message, email, or even coming to see you in person, they try to keep in contact. I am the worst about keeping in touch. I do try, but I guess I need to work at it a lot more. I have several friends that I don't see all the time. They used to be real close to me, but over the years that closeness had been chipped away at for one reason or another. But they still call from time to time. I have one friend who calls just to see how I am doing. No other reason, just a "How are you doing?". I don't see him nearly as much as I used to. But he's just a phone call away.

A true friend can sense a need. I have a hard time asking anybody for anything. I am not willing to ask for a handout. It's not that I am above asking for help, I just don't do it if I think I can do it myself. Deep down, I really believe that receiving charity is for poor people, or those third world children you see on late night infomercials ("You can feed little Haji for just $.10 a day"), not for someone who has had a string of bad luck. Tonight, I went to a restaurant (China Moon...mmm) for my local VW club's monthly meeting. At the cashier's station, I had put my ticket down to get my wallet out to pay for my meal. In line ahead of me was a friend who was paying for her and her boyfriend's meal. No sooner than I had put my ticket on the counter and was reaching for my wallet did she snatch my ticket up and quickly gave it to the cashier, telling her to add it to her bill. She fought off all my objections and payed for it anyway. She must have sensed that I really didn't have the extra money to eat out. She must have sensed that the money needed to go towards gas or anything else except for the luxury of dining out. She was right, but never would have I asked for anyone to pay for my meal. I just don't do that.

I have had friends that have turned out to be just acquaintances after all. Some who I thought would be here when I needed them have gone away. I haven't seen some who I called "friend" in several months. It's not that I haven't tried to keep in touch, I have. One that I shall not name is AWOL. He went through a divorce this past year. I tried to be there for him, but I didn't have much advice, having never had the experience to share. I could only tell him that I am here, anything you need, just ask. I don't know where he is now. Oh, I see him from time to time, usually passing on the road. I call him when I think about it, but I haven't heard from him in quite a while. Maybe he just doesn't think about it...

And then I have had acquaintances that turned out to be real friends. I didn't think we were close at all, but they have been here for me when I needed them...when I never expected them to be.

When times are good, you know who your friends are as well. Say, for instance, you win a large sum of money in the lottery. All of a sudden, everybody is your friend, whether you know them or not. Old acquaintances crawl out of whatever hole they have been hiding in and all of a sudden, they are your best friend. Only your true best friends would have been there all along. They don't disappear in bad times, or suddenly reappear in good times. They love you for who you are, who you have been, and who you will be.

A true friend has one more quality that makes them real. They forgive you when you wrong them. They may not do it immediately. It may take some time. But they do forgive.

Even when you think you know who your friends are, you may not. You just have to figure it out. Most of the time a true friend will give themselves away...make it easy for you to know. Sometimes they do a good job of hiding it. It's up to you to know in your heart the difference between the two.

Here's to all my good friends. And to my acquaintances...here's to you too.