Life in Rebirth

Is it Spring already and I missed its arrival? I should have known it had arrived…the songbirds have been tuning up their vocal chords for a few days, surely getting ready for some great choral movement due to start any day now. I have had an uneasy feeling lately; a feeling like someone has been watching me. The birds have been coming to the empty bird feeders for something to eat. When they found nothing, I felt barbs coming at me from their beady little eyes. They would fly away, surely plotting some evil plan to do me in. I could see them in my mind, sitting around some table, smoke hovering just about beak level, drab females bringing bowls of worms to proud, colorful males who were drafting a list of things to do to the humans who put out those feeders, but never put seed in them. Just to make amends for not being ready, I went ahead and bought some bird seed today; making sure that there was a healthy portion of black sunflower seeds in the mix. I hope they take me off of their list.

The bulbs planted in my front yard have sprouted and some have even bloomed. Pretty yellow daffodils are scattered about under the giant oaks. Creeping ivies have started their slow migration in a green sprawl. The circular rows of “monkey grass” have started pushing up tender shoots centered in the middle of each bunch. I actually have patches of green grass starting to spread. Purple clover festoons the yard, bees are buzzing, and I saw a butterfly today. Things are starting anew.

I am ready for this newness of spring. The shorts and sandals that have spent all winter in the darker recesses of my closet have come out. I actually wore some today. My feet have become so accustomed to the closed toed Birkenstocks of winter that they almost protested the donning of the double strapped Birkenstocks of the warmer months. They felt uncomfortable for the first few minutes, protested a bit, and then settled down into the well-worn foot pads that they had created and then whispered a sigh of relief.

I had already mowed the yard once this year. Not that there was much grass to mow. No, there were still leaves in the front yard. Leaves lined up against the fence row…leaves that were dead, brown, crispy reminders of the dying that occurs each and every fall and winter. There are some areas of the yard that need mowing now. The side yard is full of clover. Some of my favorite pictures of my kids from years ago are ones of them sitting in ankle-high clover, Big T in her yellow sundress, Little T in his denim overalls, picking at the clover and looking like they would never grow up. My favorite one is the wallpaper for my computer screen right now. I love it.

Today, after going on an Easter egg hunt (the coloring of the real eggs happened later this afternoon) and a short trip to Wal Mart, I had them re-create that scene from years ago. Of course, they are much bigger, but the sentiment is still there. There they were, two siblings, who at any other time are constantly at each other’s throats, sitting in the clover at the request of their sentimental father, bringing back the memories of children who should not grow up.

I think I am ready for spring. Things are starting anew, not only in nature, but in my life. The losses are being replaced by gains; the hurts are being replaced by happiness. At least I hope those things happen. I’m not going to just sit back and watch the newness arrive…I am going to jump in and create new things myself, even if it kills me. Growth comes from death, at least in nature it does.

All I have to do now is make sure to put some dried corn cobs in the squirrel feeders before acorns and all manner of things start being stuffed down the downspouts of my gutters...