The Morton Principle

Written right there on the side of the box of salt are words that sum up what I am feeling right now. There she is, a little girl, walking in the rain, under an umbrella, with salt pouring from the box in her hand. The words read, “When it rains, it pours”. The slogan comes from an old proverb that reads, “It never rains, but it pours”. Something doesn’t happen for a long time, and then when it does, it seems to come all at once. How true that is.

It just seems that everything happens at once. It can’t be just a little sprinkle of strife and sadness. No, it has to pour down like a deluge upon us. Upon me. I’m not talking about the rip in my heart from my divorce. No, that dead horse has been flogged enough. I’m talking about life in general. There is never enough money, cars break down, and hearts get shattered. Just when everything seems to be going right, things seem to be looking up, the sun is shining and things are grand, that’s when the storm seems to race in and drop pain and misery in a cascade upon my life. It’s not enough for me to not be able to get through; it just makes it look like it is.

Bills, bills, bills and more bills. They seem to add up faster than I can send them on their way. It is even worse now that no money is coming in. Money is coming in soon, though. It never fails that the government will slow things down. If you want something that you worked for and is owed to you, be assured that if the government has to put their hands in it first, it will take forever to get to you. My unemployment checks might as well be taped to the back of a turtle that is set free on the outskirts of Memphis and told to take it to Cleveland and to “be quick about it”. I have two collection agencies on my back, several medical bills, and leftover utility bills from my previous place of residence. Of course, I take the blame in not getting my payments to the original debtors in time to keep them from going to collections, but the money was just not there at the time and I had used up all my mulligans with them. They kept saying, “You know this will negatively affect your credit.” My reply to that was to remind them of what I have gone through…bankruptcy, foreclosure, unemployment…it didn’t matter. The money was just not there.

Not having the money hits me in another area as well. My vehicles. I have been without my main mode of transportation for several months now. My ’78 bus, Oscar by name, has had his engine out because of an oil plug that blew out and causing all of the oil to pour out…more than he usually leaked, which is a big problem. I have to do some work to get the engine back in, and in the meantime, I am driving my ’79 camper. I don’t like driving her all the time. She is meant for special occasions like going camping, going to shows (and camping), Sunday drives (and camping!), and parades (but mostly camping). As much as I hate it, I might have to let her go. The money I would get from selling her would really go a long way in getting Oscar back on the road. I have owned her since ’98 and letting her go would be a huge sentimental blow to my heart. I can do it, but it is a vicious circle…I can’t sell the camper before getting Oscar fixed…I can’t get Oscar fixed without the money from the sale of Sweetpea. I’m sure to find a way, but it would be a whole lot easier if Sweetpea was gone and money lined my pockets. I am getting relief in the form of government programs that my tax dollars have been paying into for all these years. It is only temporary, but needed and appreciated all the same. That is one thing I can thank my Uncle Sam for…

And, in the immortal words of the J. Geils Band…love stinks. Well…sometimes it does. I mean, I love “love”, but nothing hurts worse than losing it. “It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all”. Bunk. Without having loved, you don’t know what you have missed and you don’t have to duct tape your heart back together, all in the hopes that the next love doesn’t pull the tape away and the pieces fall apart, causing you to start all over again with the taping, and the healing, and the hurting and…and…*sigh*. I’m tired of putting my heart into someone only to have it drop kicked to the curb…or even just handed back to me with slight bruising. They both hurt the same.

Dang. Where’s my umbrella? I’m getting wet. You know what? Screw it…I’m going to go for a walk. Just because it is pouring down doesn’t mean that I’m not going out in it. I want to. I have to. What’s that other saying? That it “rains upon the just and the unjust”? It doesn’t matter. It is going to rain anyway. Might as well take it in stride, just like basking in the warm sunlight. As much as it might seem to, rain doesn’t last forever. In fact, I think I can see a bit of sunlight peeking through the darkest part of the cloud cover. Sun coming in the form of a new job that can bring financial stability, a chance to get my life back in order, a way to get my vehicle back to taking me to where I want to go, and possibly even new love to warm my heart up.

I’m looking forward to that last bit of sunshine the most.