Falling in Love with You

Love at first sight is only realizing an imagination that has always haunted us. –William Hazlitt

I found a quaint little pocket book a while back. I had taken some books in for trade at McKay’s Used Books and had gotten some credit. I took my kids in to get them some books with that credit, and had hoped to find some music for myself. Not having any luck with music, I was standing in line with many books for my kids when I saw on a shelf near the counter a little book titled Falling in Love with You. It was a collection of quotes from well known people about this wonderful subject of falling in love. From the early stages of first love, into the bliss of marriage and the love shared in bed, to the troubles that come with love, all the way to the secrets of lasting love, this little book covered it all. I had to have it.

I keep this book on the nightstand next to my bed and read a few pages every night. It isn’t a big book, so you would think that I would be finished with it by now. I am nearly done, but I am taking my time with it, re-reading each quote and trying to relate it to my own life. Reading the quotes of first love…I remembered the time that I fell in love for the first time. I knew what was happening. I had hoped for something like that for my entire life. I had a single experience with someone in high school, but that was nothing compared to the feeling of falling in love, falling into true love. Although I am a believer in “love at first sight”, this wasn’t the case in my first love. True, I told myself that this woman was one that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, even so, it took a little time for the “falling into love” to happen. But that first true love is gone. I told her and myself that I would love her till the day I died, and that is true. But being in love with her? No. That is gone.

What is first love worth, except to prepare for the second? What does second love bring? Only regret for the first. – John Hay

Sure, I regret losing my first love. It was something that I never thought would happen. The loss of love, not the regret, that is. The regret of losing love is there. I do regret that we let things get to the point that she lost her love for me. I never lost it for her. It isn’t the same love, though. The love that I have now is almost at the level of a platonic love, like the love that you have for a good friend. And even though I regret losing her love, I don’t regret falling in love. For as the above quote says, first love prepares you for second loves and teaches you what not to do in all other loves.

It is difficult to know at what moment love begins; it is less difficult to know when it has begun. – William W. Longfellow

Butterflies in the stomach; longing to be together with your object of affection; feeling incomplete when apart; the feeling of pure joy when together. I know these feelings. To me, they signify that something special is happening. I “love” love. I love that feeling of being close to someone, so close that you can read them. The closeness is a melding of souls so tightly woven together that you can read them in an instant. You can tell just with a look what kind of mood they are in. You are hurt when they are in pain, feel elation when they are happy, morose when they are sad. It is almost a clairvoyant feeling, this closeness. But it is not so easy to tell if they are as in love with you as you are with them. This can be hidden behind eyes so open and a heart so loving. In that case, it should be obvious, but sometimes it isn’t. I know my feelings, but I like to be told of the love had for me. Everyone should love to be told that someone loves them. It feels so good.

The loss of love is a terrible thing. They lie who say that death is worse. – Countee Cullen

Losing love hurts. It is a pain that is hidden in your heart but is visible in your countenance; it shows on your face, in your actions, shows through your eyes, flowing from your soul. This pain is a great wound upon your soul leaving scars unseen. This hidden pain takes longer to heal than any visible wound. A Persian quote says that “A broken hand works, but not a broken heart”. My heart still hurts. It still hurts from the loss of a true love, but it also hurts from the loss of other relationships that have happened since the great pain was inflicted upon it. I don’t protect my heart very well. I know I said I was going to build a fence around it to protect it from getting hurt, but that fence never got finished. I put too much of my heart into things that I do, relationships included. This is a dangerous thing, because it sets me up for pain when things go wrong. I should know better, but I do it anyway. Do you know why? Because to me, the ultimate joy of falling in love and staying in love is so great, is so desirable, is what I long to do that I look at every new prospect in such a way as to prepare myself for love. Is it going to happen this time? Is this the one? And so with great anticipation comes a great fall…and with that fall comes a time of darkness. In that time of darkness, the search continues for the light, the light that warms the heart and comforts the soul. I heard a quote the other night that shows me a path to that light out of the darkness. I was watching a PBS special about Hanukkah. No, I’m not Jewish, but with a set of rabbit ear antennas (no, not even rabbit ears…more like a rabbit with an ear cut off…just one antenna), PBS was the only channel strong enough to come in with an antenna out here in the sticks (and I hadn’t had TV in so long, I was desperate for some entertainment). A rabbi was saying that our eyes have two parts: a dark and a light part, and the only part that we use to see the light is through the dark part. It hit me right then that the only way to see a way to happiness in love and in life was to look through the dark parts, to get past the hurts of love and the hardships of life by peering through the darkness to where even the dimmest of lights should be the brightest focal point. After all, even the light from a small candle can be seen from afar in complete darkness.

True love is eternal, infinite and always like itself. It is equal and pure, without violent demonstrations. It is seen with white hairs and is always young at heart. – Balzac

True love is meant to last a lifetime and beyond. It is something so great, so soul satisfying, so completing, that time has no hold on it. It is something to be desired and cherished, so much in fact, that all the hurts and disappointments endured in the search for it can’t diminish the ultimate joy and lasting exhilaration that comes when it is finally found and kept. It is worth it. I know true love is out there. It has touched me before, it is part of me; I have felt it, and I do feel it now. I have faith and do believe in everlasting love. I believe that there is such a thing as love at first sight. I believe that with love comes pain and misunderstandings, but also, that love heals all wounds. I believe that love needs daily nourishment to grow and stay strong, whereas hate needs no nourishment; it only needs provoking to show its might. I believe…in love.

How shall I do to love? Believe.
How shall I do to believe? Love. – Robert Leighton