All Apologies

Last Monday, a woman did something to clear up something that I assume had been eating at her for quite some time. She apologized to me for something I had already stored away into the forgotten files.

It was several months ago and I was about to leave work. My son had come to work with me since it was Summer and there was no school. The 10th floor has a television with cable and there's also wi-fi throughout the entire building. I had gone up to get him and we were riding the elevator down. This was just about the time we had installed cameras on every floor and for fun, I thought I'd show him the cameras and wave at each one on our way down. We started at the 10th floor and when we stopped at the 8th floor, three people were waiting to get on. I told them that we were stopping at each floor, which was information overkill, because all the buttons were obviously lit up, and that they were in for a long ride. Two of them acted like it was no big deal, but the third person showed us that our fun was probably keeping her from her important date with the President himself. She kept huffing and puffing, looking at her watch, at me, her companions, the glowing buttons, her phone, the big "L" on my forehead...and I could sense that her friends were a bit uncomfortable with what she was doing. I suggested they could get off on any floor they desired and take the other elevator located right next to the one we were in. They sure would have gotten to the first floor a whole lot quicker. She actually uttered, "There's another elevator?"

These people were in the building long after the other staff had left for the day. Yes, they were church members, but in essence, they were there "after hours." I never would have punched all the call buttons during the confines of the normal work day. And, anyways, being the last employee in the building, part of my job duties could include checking each floor for lights left on. Who's to question that?

When we finally made it to the first floor, along with our reluctant passengers, we went one way and they went the other. As we rounded the corner, my son blurted out, "Well, they're no fun." I laughed...that's my boy.

There's no way anyone can get along with everybody. There's people whose personalities clash to the point of grating bones. There's people with whom I interact with on a daily basis that do just that to me. It's not that they are bad people and I hate them; it's the fact that their personality is so far on the other end of the spectrum from my own that I'd rather not have to subject myself to even be in their presence. It's bad, I know, but it's my right to my own peace that's at stake here. Do me wrong, and I won't hate you, nor will I go out of my way to wrong you back. But you will be shunned; shunned right into the floor.

Then there's those who mesh. There are those who get me. There are those that emit rays of light on even the darkest parts of my soul. They're the ones that I go out of my way to help; to share in their joy; to willfully interact with; to give back to them what they give to me. There's genuine pleasure in it.

Last Friday, I was in camping mode. I had packed my car the night before, hooked up and loaded down my little pull-behind trailer with camping gear, and made sure everything was in order before leaving for work, because I wasn't going back home before going to the campsite. There were a lot of things to do at work before I could go, though. One of things was setting up tables for the Flower Ministry. The people in this group rearrange the display flowers from the day's services into small vases to deliver to the sick or those otherwise unable to attend church. I already had the tables ready for the woman who heads up the arranging before she arrived. This woman is a joy to be around. She brings me bananas at least once a week. She consistently thanks me for the work I do and for the help I give her each week. She's genuine. On this day, she came up to thank me yet again, but she was also holding out her hand in a way to conceal something...a $20 bill. This isn't the first time she's palmed a $20 bill to me. I don't feel right taking her money, but I also know that it was needed and she won't allow me to refuse. And far be it from me to deny someone of something that they want to do. I recognized a correlation between her actions and the actions of the "apologetic woman" and felt the need to relate to her my experience and ended up the conversation with heartfelt gratitude and a friendly, thankful hug.

It is true that people can feed off the attitude of those around them. If you surround yourself with negative people, you take on their negativity. If you keep the company of kind and loving people, you yourself will emit loving kindness. Our attitudes are like giant sponges; absorbing what touches them, yet also able to wring out what was taken in with ease, if we so desire. And, it's kind of like the phenomenon of mass hysteria/hallucination. Someone thinks they see an image of the Virgin Mary in a molded rust stain on the side of a discarded refrigerator and suddenly hordes of people see the same thing and soon they're selling tickets, burning candles, falling out, offering up petitions of food, and praying to what is essentially a natural imperfection as a result of oxidized metal and spores. There's no magic in imperfections; but people see what they want to see and hear what they want to hear and if enough people see and hear, it spreads just like the growth of rust and mold.

I was in the church's kitchen cutting up tomatoes for a salad to be served at a luncheon when the woman who had gotten upset came in. She came to ask a question about another table for the luncheon or something, I don't really remember, but ended up offering an apology for her actions on the elevator that day. She said that it doesn't excuse what she did, but she had received a distressing phone call about a family member before getting on the elevator and was in a mood. She said that she hoped the actions of a grumpy old woman didn't have an effect upon the fun that my son and I were having that day. Since I was preparing food, I was wearing latex gloves, and being careful not to stain her clothes, I told her to just stop, come here, and I gave her a hug. All was good.

Sometimes we don't receive the apology we need to overcome a hurt. Lord knows there's some I never got. Some are close, like when I was told "Sorry about the way things went down." It was a partial apology. But there was no admittance to wrongdoing or even a hint of being sorry for what they did. But I've learned to live with what it is. Accepting it doesn't make it okay, but it does alleviate most of the hurt, and that's close to the same thing.

It's people like that woman with her apology, and the flower lady that make dealing with the polar opposites in my life and workplace all worth the effort. It encourages me to continue being who I am; to be kind and to receive kind in return. I want to live so that I don't have to apologize for anything.