From Wishes to Weeds

Long, spindly stalks topped with spheres of fuzzy white
With breath from pursed lips, wanted wishes take flight.
Spiraling, spinning, scattering seeds,
Float and then land, turning wishes to weeds.
-Me

"Be careful what you wish for. You just might get it all. And then some you don't want." -Chris Daughtry

"A dream is a wish your heart makes." -Cinderella

Where have all the dandelions gone? Those yellow flowers turned wish-granters have all but disappeared from my yard. Not that it's a bad thing, with them being hard-to-kill weeds and all, but I wonder where they went? My yard is far from manicured. I mow it. I don't water it and I certainly don't fertilize it. It's lucky if I even take the time to rake the leaves off of it in Autumn. Dandelions used to spot my yard with their towering stalks gone to seed, but now there's only handfuls scattered here and there amongst the other weeds.

This weed is superstitiously charming. Children are most susceptible to its charms. What childlike mind wouldn't be? I know I was. Nobody was there to tell me that to blow on them was to plant them; I was told to make a wish and that wishes made wouldn't come true if I didn't get every parachute off with the power from one breath. I made sure to blow as hard as I could every time, because even then, I knew that wishes ungranted are wishes wasted. With my own kids, I didn't restrain them from blowing on dandelion stalks, even though I knew that it was spreading that innocuous weed all over. They believed in the magic of wish-making and a little part of me did too. I wanted to believe.

Wishes don't come true just because you want them to. I know that. There's nothing magical, truly, about wishes made, nor wishes granted. They're just dreams put into words to generate hope. There's no power in a dandelion seed. There's no genie in a bottle; no leprechaun's pot of gold. We make wishes over flamed candles on birthday cakes. We throw away money on wishes in wells, ponds, and fountains. We pull apart a dried bone from the main course from Thanksgiving dinner in hopes of dreams come true. We wish upon a small dot in the night sky, a dot that has most likely burned out long ago. Wasted; all of these wishes are for naught.

I've wished for many things that I never got. I wished to not get hurt. I wished to never hurt anyone. I wished for things to go the way I wanted. I wished for peace and understanding in unknown situations. I've wished for things that last like they're supposed to. I suppose the most likely wishes that come true are the ones that you make come true; ones where you take action upon getting what you want. You want that job? Apply for it. Like that person? Ask 'em out. Things don't normally just fall into your lap. Just like my current improvement in my health and my weight loss; I did wish I could lose weight, but it wasn't going to just happen all by itself. I had to take action, and I'm sure glad I did.

I still wish. I don't make wishes, I just wish. I wish for good in the lives of myself and others. I wish positively. I wish with love and compassion. But above all else, and perhaps the most damaging, I wish retrospectively. The past dredges up all sort of wishes; one for each bad decision; one for each mistake made; and a never ending supply for never ending failures. Most of my wishes pertain to holding on to things that I should let go of; things that are over and done with; things that would rather hurt than heal. I should not want those things. It seems that I am drawn to the broken. I wish I wasn't.

I spent this past weekend at a beautiful place with beautiful people. It's a place that holds beautiful memories; memories that I will cherish forever. It's a place where, even if I was there all alone, I'd feel surrounded by the ones I've spent time with there before. In another life, my kids were innocent babies enjoying this place. One of my favorite pictures is of my son, naked to the world, sitting on a high-backed chair, his little cheeks visible through the space between seat and back with the river as a background. It was there that my daughter met her fishing buddy, a friend of mine who took the time to show a 4-year old girl secrets to catching "the big one." I've been there with companions of the opposite sex, making memories that I will never forget, each being special in their own time and place in my life. The time spent there is time away from this humdrum life; and each time the moment comes to leave, I wish I could just stay. But eventually, even that beautiful place grows weeds.

This weekend won't match last weekend, and being what it is, it shouldn't anyway. It will be special in its own right. Saturday, there's a good chance that I will be making a wish over a frosted confection. I'll try to not to spread germs as I summon the power of the mighty candle wish.

I'm not supposed to reveal a wish, but I can reveal my hopes in the form of a wish. I wish for my family, and especially my children, to know how much I love them. I wish for my friends to know the same thing. I wish for happiness for those whom I loved/love who are no longer a part of my life. I wish for wisdom in making life's decisions. And while I'm at it, I might as well wish for $1,000,000. You never know. The busy wish granters might oblige me for a change.

It's never ending, this wanting; this hoping; this wishing. I don't know if it's a selfish thing, by wanting something for yourself, or generous, by wanting for others. But I do know one thing: There's too many wishes to make, and if my yard is any indication, not enough dandelions.